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and i cried.

Saw Friday Night Lights last night. WOW. What a great flic. I don't know whose on the soundtrack, but it sounds awesome...If you haven't seen it--go see it before they pull it out of the box office.




A beautiful Santa Barbara sunrise--not unlike the one that entranced me this morning. I love balconies; and I love being up before the sunrise. There's something about it. It was 6:30 in the morning, I'd been at work for 45minutes, and already my mind was swarming. Thoughts of the pain of friends, the mystery of life, and the stress of daily provision were firing in chaotic eruptions across the synapses of my mind. I took a break from reaquainting myself with the day's tasks and went up stairs for my second cup of joe. I was about to go back down to the office when I glanced left. And suddenly, silence. Walking back from the kitchen toward the stairs, it caught me. It wasn't just beautiful--it was offering me something. I went out on the balcony, cup of coffee steaming, and was reminded of how much I love balconies. I love the different perspective they give from their height; though this one only offered a second story view, I could see the silohuettes of the downtown area, and the ocean faintly lit by the deep orange and reds of the yawning sky. I just stood on the balcony and stared. I felt as if I was trying to understand something--trying to listen. The morning promises hope. It's breeze brings peace, and gently washes over the weariest of travelers--promising a fresh start. I felt a fresh peace for the day's events, a greater gratitude for my life, and remembered silently those whose morning's bear no such hope. May morning bathe you in the light of her mercy; may she cradle you in her promise of hope. May her gentleness displace the lonely darkness of the night, and give you the ability to join in the melodies of the new day's song.



Politcal Humor

Been getting some funny emails. Check these links out.

Bush Uncensored
Florida Voting Machine




Can't sleep

3:30 in the morning, and I'm sitting in front of my keyboard. I don't know if I'll really ever fully comprehend the beauty and depth and pain I've been apart of over the last couple days. I have more to write than I have time to do it. The amazing thing is that I feel the urge to write--not out of a sense of duty to keep a log of conversations and events--but out of the tremendous opportunity I have to learn from amazing people.

Your prayers are felt tangibly; not only by me, but by the family. Please continue. I'll share more as I digest
...“One very important way to befriend our sorrow is to take it out of its isolation, and share it with someone who can receive it.” --Nouwen



In The Rain

Thanks to all for the love & support & sarcasm. It's nice to be noticed after such a long time away.

Yesterday was a hard day for me, but not nearly as hard as it was for some others. One of my closest friends in the world called me yesterday, to give me an update on his mother's situation. His mother, perhaps one of the greatest women I've ever met, has been battling cancer for about the last 10 years. Monday she went into the hospital because she was so malnourished; she hadn't eaten in four days because of the tremendous pain that eating causes her. Yesterday, my friend called to give me the update, and it wasn't good.
"We don't know how much time we have--the doctor's opinions are vacilating...Maybe a couple weeks, maybe...Her liver is dramatically enlarged, and she has fluid building up in her abdomen."

He wept, as he had likely been doing over the course of the past few days, and I wept on the other end.
"Jared, mom's asked that you officiate the ceremony."

His mother shared some things with him about what she sees in me--and I can barely engage the thoughts. I feel as though they're beyond me; yet, they draw me magnetically toward becoming the man she sees. After I hung up, I walked around the block a few times, and finally crashed down on a sidewalk bench and lost it in the rain. So the story goes: a woman fighting for each hour, indellibly shapes a young man by identifying him as something reflected perhaps only in his silent hope of becoming.

I will be taking off early this afternoon to go and be with them in San Luis Obispo. I'll probably be gone tomorrow as well.

++ Father, be with the family, and grant them peace and hope. Tangibly offer yourself in beauty and reconcile the fear and pain. Absolve the anguish of loss in the embrace of love; whisper hope and restore faith, that the family would continue to live as you've created them to, demonstrating infectious love. They have so much beauty to offer the world...though we fight for her, we plead not for our sorrow, but for your will. Death is the designed conclusion for this leg of the journey. I ask that this time of transition would be healthy, and that it would be reconciled to that Father's appointed time for her to rejoin him.



The Big Disappointment

Well, after a pathetic 6 month struggle to return to blogdom, I've finally crawled back. So much has changed since I've been gone--both in the blogsphere and in my world. Blogger's attempt to break into the new millenium with its multi-level marketing comment engine has been interesting to deal with. But with the help of good friends and great hacks, I think I've found my way around all the issues. Since I've been gone I've learned MT, CSS, and PHP, and I've tried rebuilding my own blog through 3 different hosts engines. But in the end, it seems to me that unless I own server space, this is just going to be the best way to go. The site is still incredibly incomplete, but this is how things start--slowly. I'm still getting used to all the changes, but I'm glad to be back. I cannot communicate how much I missed the discipline that this became in my life, and the friends that shared that journey with me. Thanks for you love and support while I was am lame.


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